Nica Spanish

Welcome to your crash course lesson in the fine art of El Nicañol. Nicañol is what you get when you take the traditional language español, throw it in a blender, forget to put the top on, then pick up the jumbled mess and try to put it back together again. That is what Nicaragua has done to their traditional language, and they're damn proud of it. Sure, every country has their own slang and ways of saying things, but Nicaragua takes it to a whole other level. I wish when I landed in Managua in July, the flight attendant would have gotten on the intercom and said, "Welcome to Nicaragua, please take any prior knowledge you may have had in Spanish and kindly throw it in the trash can, cause we don't talk like that. Thank you." It will make no sense and be confusing, but after awhile here you realize that's how most things are, so why not the language too? Here are some examples of what is so different about the way they talk here.

Epic purple sunset the other day.

"¿Muy bíen, y vos?"

This was probably the first thing you'd notice if you already knew some Spanish and came here. The word "you" is "tú" in Spanish. Nobody here says that. Here, we get to use vos instead of tú, but still use  usted when we want to be more formal. That does not mean, however, that Nicas use vosotros when referring something plural like they do in Spain, rather they still use ustedes to say "you guys". Simple enough, say vos instead of tú. I read somewhere actually that for men, it's better to learn to say vos quickly because saying tú is a sign of femininity. Weird, huh?

"¡Vos sos loco!"

Now that we've got vos down, if anyone learned to say "eres" to say "you are...", for example, don't say that either. Here, it's all about the sos. Like "vos sos loco", you are crazy, would be "tú eres loco" in any other Spanish speaking country. I was talking to who I thought was a Nica when she asked me "¿Y tú, dedonde eres?" where are you from? I immediately responded with, "No. ¿¡Dedonde sos vos!?" Where are YOU from? Turns out she was Tica, a Costa Rican. That really threw me off cause Ticos hate Nicas, and vice versa, so meeting one in Managua was strange. If you hear someone here not using vos or sos, chances are they are not Nicas.

S's are optional

This and the next one might be my favorite. Saying your S's are really your call. Plurality? What's that? For example, if I wanted to say "we have three cars", I would typically say "nosotros tenemos tres carros". Here, the s at the end is optional and would sound more like "nosotro tenemo tre carro". The less you have to say things the better, right? If the s is followed by a consonant, however, the 's' sound changes. You swallow it a bit more and it makes more of an 'h' sound. Like the phrase "¿Cómo estas?" to say "how are you" sounds more like "¿cómo ehta?" Or the word "whisky", as my host brother, Gersan would say often (lo siento, hermano) is pronounced "whihhhhhky" I asked someone here why they don't pronounce their S's and he told me cause that sounds too lispy like a stereotypical gay man would. "I don't want to sound like a Tico!", he told me.

Stem changers

For those who have taken some Spanish, we've all come to know the art of stem changing verbs. Like many of the "er" and "ir" verbs change how pronounce them depending on who you are addressing. Like tener changes to tienes, tiene, tienen when you refer to whomever. In Nicaragua, it's the same, except for the you "tú" (sorry "vos") form. Take everything you learned, and leave it in the States. Here, words like tienes, puedes, encuentras, vienes, are pronounced tenés, podés, encontrás, venís. It's weird to hear at first cause I was confused as to whom they were referring to. But it actually is easier to pronounce on the fly if you're not fluent than trying to remember what the stem change sounds like. Just pronounce it like you would in first year Spanish before knowing of the existence of "stem changers" and throw an accent over the last vowel and you're all set!

There is a billboard here advertising their national rum Flor de Caña with the quote "Lo que tenés aquí, no lo encontrás por el otro lado." What you have here, you won't find on the other side, is what it literally translates to, but I think it's more like "What you have here, you won't find anywhere else." Man is that the truth.

Huge iguana getting some sun.

Commands

Again for the Spanish takers (and on a side note, if you seriously were that kid in high school that took French or something like that instead of Spanish, what's wrong with you? Have you looked at the demographical statistics of the US over the past, oh I don't know, century? Definitely not seeing a rise in French or German speakers, and there are more English speakers in China than in the US, so that's not gonna be a problem. Come on!) anyways, the irregular commands are different. Remember the irregulars ven, di, sal, haz, ten, ve, pon, se? Never heard them in Nicaragua. Instead, it's venís for "come here", decíme "tell me", salís "leave!", hacélo, do it, etc. Another thing thats strange is the way they pronounce all of their commands. For example to say "stand up", you would normally say levántate, accenting over that first 'a'. Here, it's levantÁte. SentÁte instead of siéntate for "sit down."

Slang/Cussing

Learning how to cuss in Spanish has been one of the most fun and rewarding parts of integrating with the culture here (sorry, mom). When you can finally put a phrase together in another language to make fun of someone or call someone out in a manner that everyone gets and laughs, it's amazing. To say Nicas are vulgar is a drastic understatement. EVERYONE cusses. And I mean everyone. Old, young, mom at her kids, kids at their parents, at your dog, or complete strangers, they all do it. I would say a positive would be that it takes a lot of meaning out of the words if everyone uses it, so cussing really isn't as awful here. But it's still hilarious.

Gersan and I regularly refer to each other as maricón or cochón, which is like gay. Or when someone keeps yelling at you when you are busy with something and you get to say, "¿¡Qué la verga!?" which is the equivalent of "What the f*ck!?" You would also say that if someone cuts you off on the road, if you want to fight them, or if you about to slaughter noobs in Empire Earth and the internet suddenly shuts off. The best part about cussing here is that people just make things up to say and it's suddenly an official part of the language. For example, Gersan and his friends regularly call each other hijueputa which is like motherf-er. But if someone or something REALLY is bothering you, you can start making up things to put in between the words hijo and puta and it suddenly become stronger. Flat tire while already late for work? "¡Hijo de la setenta mil padres de la gran puta!" It literally means "son of the 70 thousand parents of the greatest b*tch" but it's more like "MOTHERF***ER!!!" Put whatever you want. It could be "hijo-of-the-fifty-suns-that-rotate-around-the-galactic-center-that-cause-solar-winds-every-40-or-50-years-and-disrupt-my-radio-when-I-take-showers-and-make-me-have-to-check-twitter-for-the-score-of-the-game-of-the-gran puta" and people will look at you like "whoa, he's pissed." So long as it begins with hijo and ends with gran puta, it's good to go.

The slang, or jerga as they say, takes a lot of time to get used to. I'll leave you with a list of what I've heard and try to throw into my vocabulary to sound proficient in Nicañol, Nica+español.

Qué paso?- (NOT qué pasa)- means 'what's up'

maje- dude, guy, girl

ideay?- what the hell? what happened? what are you doing? (say it fast enough and all you literally need to say are the letters 'e' and 'i')

tuani- cool

deacachimba- really awesome

'tonce?'- what's up, so, and

bicha- beer

guaro- rum/alcohol

chavalo(a)- boy or girl

chiwin- kid

dale pues- ok, alright, good bye, later, that's fine, you could literally say it for anything

chucha- thing

encachimbado(a)- really pissed off

bacanal- party

tocado/picado- tipsy

borracho- drunk

mamado- wasted

hasta tan bicho- (might be spelled wrong, that's how it sounds though), really really drunk

bolo- drunk

ruta- bus

ahuevado- sad

bago- wondering around, crazy, punk

rotunda- round-about

fritanga- food stand

no jodas- don't screw with me/ it's fine/ relax

There you have it. Say a bunch of those things to someone and you'll be treated like a local in no time!